Finally, we ate the bland noodles and drank the (gag me) noodle water for warmth, and got ready to tuck in for the night.
Now attempting sleep in my human Chicken Teriyaki Hot Pocket, formally known as my sleeping bag, I realized the frozen sauce that had sopped into the insulation was melting with my body heat, making it even harder to retain warmth.
☝THIS, MY FRIENDS,
✋IS THE PART OF THE STORY WHERE I MET THE COLDEST MOMENT I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
The outside temperature was dropping. My body temperature was dropping too. It was like the little shivers had upgraded to full blown, involuntary convulsions, and I just KNEW I would not be able to warm up.
So what’s the right thing to do in this dire situation? Complain to Richard of course!
“Babe. Babe. BAAAABE. WAKE UP.”
“I need you to come in here with me. I’m FREEZING”
(Still salty about the salty explosion) “You’re fiiiiine. I can’t fit in there with you. Go to sleep.”
“I can’t go to sleep, you HAVE to come over here and get in my bag with me…” (getting more elevated now).. “Richard I’m not going to make it, I’m too cold!!”
I legitimately have never felt a cold in my bones like this before. I don’t know how to explain it. I've had a lot of cold (very cold) camping experiences!
But this felt different to me.
This felt dangerous to me.
Finally I resorted to pure, unabashed BEGGING.
“Richard. I’m really going to die tonight. You HAVE TO HELP ME!! I NEED your body warmth!!!”
Panicking and crying icicles now.
He (who is related to the Abominable Snowman, honestly, unfazed by the cold) reluctantly shimmied out of his Chicken and Wild Rice flavored sleeping bag.
No words whatsoever.
Just heads out into the snow.
“Dang it! That’s it! He’s left me here to DIE alone!! Call my mama tell her I love ‘er!!”
(actual footage of Richard leaving me in the tent)